Calling all Parents With a Sense of Humor

September 8, 2010 at 11:57 am (Entertainment) (, , , , , , )

For those of you coveting the ever-elusive “Manual to Teenagers”, I implore you to relinquish your firm tight grasp and share it with the world – but me first! Quit hogging it. Seriously!

Here’s the scoop in about 500 words or less:

As the loving mother of a well-adjusted 14 year old daughter who excels at most anything the puts her mind to, and yes, her High School Career just started and she’s beginning Honors classes to join the International Baccalaureate program that is offered to Junior’s and Senior’s. ~Excuse the momentary lapse of judgment with the bragging – I don’t do it very often, and what better place to do it than my very own BLOG?!?!?~We have a few things I’d like to get under control before her leash get’s extended to the breaking point and she runs for the quickest Greyhound Station. (Are there even any greyhound stations out there anymore?)

Here’s a laundry list of items that I need clarified:

  • eyerolling
  • texting/cell phones
  • extracurricular activities
  • trips to the mall
  • babysitting money – how much to save, how much to allow them to spend.
  • BOYS
  • Makeup
  • Punishments
  • the Internet – to Facebook? or NOT to Facebook…that is the question.
  • that pissy scrinchy look that seems to always be on their face – seriosuly – where does that look COME FROM?!?!?!

Here’s my school of thought…and before I get into this, I should let you know that she is attending her father’s and my Alma Mater…yes, she is attending our old high school. We met there and consequently became married not long after I graduated. And believe me, I’ve scoped the place out for any spies that may be left roaming the halls after 20 years…but narry a one has lasted this long. Yeah, yeah…I’m THAT old. I know…

Back to my “school” of thought – I’m a firm, intellectual parent. I know when the BS-ing starts…and I can tell when I’m NOT being BS-ed. I also believe that the busier you keep the kids, the less energy they have to focus on activities that are not becoming of an honor student. So, here’s what we’ve got her involved in: Volleyball, Choir, Leadership, possibly Cheerleading, and some very very challenging courses so that she can get some college credit under her belt when she graduates – with the ultimate goal of becoming an RN. HER GOAL. We’re very encouraging of both of our girls when they talk to us about their aspirations for the future. So we’re open to whatever they choose. However, once they have chosen something to put their efforts into, we are sure to encourage them and constantly drive them to be the best and keep their goals in the forefront of their minds.

So if you can offer up some advice on the list of bullet points that would be SPECTACULAR. Or just give me your take on this whole Teenager thing…because seriously…I need some help. I’m gonna lose it.

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Setting up a “New” BLOG

September 2, 2010 at 11:06 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

This is ridiculously hard work! I had no idea when I created this identity a year ago that a.) I’d forget the HELL out of it and 2.) I’d not be as dedicated to getting it up and running as I thought I’d be.

I thought I’d traipse in here and light this place on FIRE! But…alas…nope. Didn’t happen. I’m not gonna lie…I thought you goobers would EAT MY SHIT UP!!!!!!!!! I mean, I have another BLOG and I have a bunch of peeps reading my shizz, and I sit here, right now, looking at my “Blog Stats” and I’ve gotten nothing but SPAM for comments. SPAM. PEOPLE! That’s damn embarassing!!

So here we go. You’re getting the FULL ON Carm Treatment, now. Yeah…you have no one to blame but yourselves. Don’t look at me like that! It’s YOUR fault! To think…you could have all avoided this if you had just given me just a SMIDGE of feedback, but NOOOOOOO…you refused to get to know the NEW GIRL.

So brace yourselves for some HEAVY blogging by me…and when you want to point a finger of blame? May I suggest you stand in front of a mirror and take a gander at the reflection before you.

Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And…I love you. YES I DO! ~ Carm

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Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

April 30, 2010 at 5:14 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

So, I’m dreaming last night…

Apparently I lost like 100 pounds and was rockin this awesome flowy slinky red dress with some of the most FABULOUS shoes known to man and I had somehow landed a date with Matt Damon.

Nevermind the fact that we’re both married and I’m not even particularly “fond” of Matty…I’m just saying it was a dream and I have no idea how this came to be.

So the next thing you know we are walking down the Strip in Vegas. Me…looking all sexy in my slinky red dress with a waistline like I haven’t seen since high school when my grandma and I handmade my poodle skirt for the 50’s concert that I ROCKED IT IN and had a 27″waist…i digress…

To recap: Me = Sexy, HOT, Mouth Wateringly GORGEOUS. Matt = Dashingly handsome and when he looked at me his eyes lit up and he smiled HUGE.

So we go dancing and I noticed how he wouldn’t hold me really, really close. And then we were browsing through the shops at Caesar’s Palace and this old couple waves us over and asks Matt if he could go in and grab them something and so I sat with the lady and she says how suited we are for eachother…I’m watching him grab the items for the old couple and I lean over to the lady and say, “You know…that’s Matt Damon…”…she replies, “I know, dear. He’s handsome, isn’t he?”…I’m all…”He is, indeed!”. Matt comes out and I grab his arm as we cross the street and he shoots me one of his “I’m Matt Damon” smiles and it melts me and I smile back and then he takes off in a full on sprint and RUNS across the street like he’s Tom Cruise in “The Firm” where the entire last 35 minutes of the movie he’s like FULL ON BOOKIN’ it through the street trying to escape the MOB, only Matt is running away from me!

So he gets accross the street and steals a bike and starts riding his bike down the damn Las Vegas Strip and I’m standing there in the middle of the street just kinda looking as he disappears in the distance, still looking DAMN HOT in my flowy red dress. So I cross the street thinking, “Well…we were heading up to MGM, so I may as well go up there to see if he’s there waiting for me.”

So I wobble the 2 miles up the Strip to the MGM and about this time I wake up thinking, WTF! NO WONDER I DON’T LIKE THAT GUY!!!!!

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