NaNoWriMo – 2nd attempt!

October 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Music, Politics, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Have you heard of NaNoWriMo?

November is the month to write a novel!!!! The goal of NaNoWriMo is to get as many people as we can muster to write a Novel in 30 days. A novel consists of 50,000 words. That equates to 1666.67 words written each day for 30 days.

This will be my 2nd attempt, although last year I think I stopped at one paragraph…this year I have something very inspiring to write about…and some may not think that I will be able to write an ENTIRE book about being bitchy, but I assure you…I have enough inspiration around me to last an entire Harry Potter-esque series…so thanks to a friend of mine for giving me the ammo to approach this goal again…I will attempt it. GOD HELP ME, I’ll ATTEMPT IT!

The support that flows through NaNoWriMo’s website it really wonderful…although it didn’t give me the kick in the ass that I needed last year to finish what I started! I don’t blame it on anyone but myself! I’m not a damn novelist! I like to BLOG about nonsense and mayhem and pissyness!!! I don’t care. This year…I’m sassy enough, bitchy enough and GODDAMMIT, people piss me off!

I hope you give it a shot. If you do, please let me know and I’ll be-friend you there and we’ll get this show on the road – TOGETHER! Yessirreebob!

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Calling all Parents With a Sense of Humor

September 8, 2010 at 11:57 am (Entertainment) (, , , , , , )

For those of you coveting the ever-elusive “Manual to Teenagers”, I implore you to relinquish your firm tight grasp and share it with the world – but me first! Quit hogging it. Seriously!

Here’s the scoop in about 500 words or less:

As the loving mother of a well-adjusted 14 year old daughter who excels at most anything the puts her mind to, and yes, her High School Career just started and she’s beginning Honors classes to join the International Baccalaureate program that is offered to Junior’s and Senior’s. ~Excuse the momentary lapse of judgment with the bragging – I don’t do it very often, and what better place to do it than my very own BLOG?!?!?~We have a few things I’d like to get under control before her leash get’s extended to the breaking point and she runs for the quickest Greyhound Station. (Are there even any greyhound stations out there anymore?)

Here’s a laundry list of items that I need clarified:

  • eyerolling
  • texting/cell phones
  • extracurricular activities
  • trips to the mall
  • babysitting money – how much to save, how much to allow them to spend.
  • BOYS
  • Makeup
  • Punishments
  • the Internet – to Facebook? or NOT to Facebook…that is the question.
  • that pissy scrinchy look that seems to always be on their face – seriosuly – where does that look COME FROM?!?!?!

Here’s my school of thought…and before I get into this, I should let you know that she is attending her father’s and my Alma Mater…yes, she is attending our old high school. We met there and consequently became married not long after I graduated. And believe me, I’ve scoped the place out for any spies that may be left roaming the halls after 20 years…but narry a one has lasted this long. Yeah, yeah…I’m THAT old. I know…

Back to my “school” of thought – I’m a firm, intellectual parent. I know when the BS-ing starts…and I can tell when I’m NOT being BS-ed. I also believe that the busier you keep the kids, the less energy they have to focus on activities that are not becoming of an honor student. So, here’s what we’ve got her involved in: Volleyball, Choir, Leadership, possibly Cheerleading, and some very very challenging courses so that she can get some college credit under her belt when she graduates – with the ultimate goal of becoming an RN. HER GOAL. We’re very encouraging of both of our girls when they talk to us about their aspirations for the future. So we’re open to whatever they choose. However, once they have chosen something to put their efforts into, we are sure to encourage them and constantly drive them to be the best and keep their goals in the forefront of their minds.

So if you can offer up some advice on the list of bullet points that would be SPECTACULAR. Or just give me your take on this whole Teenager thing…because seriously…I need some help. I’m gonna lose it.

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High School DRAMA

September 3, 2010 at 3:54 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Holy crap. Today was my daughter’s first day in High School. I need a drink. As I’m pouring my drink, let’s recap the summer of FOURTEEN, shall we?

First of all, she got “chummy” with her first BOY interest this summer. She, of course, picked the MOST – for lack of a better term (and also one that my favorite gay neighbor uses) – HILLBILLIEST family on the block to hang around with. It was KILLING ME!!! But trying to be the “cool mom”, I laid down the ground rules about a week into this fiasco. “Protect your virtue.”  “Tell me if anything out of line happens.”  “Keep your eye on your life goals.”  “Surround yourself with successful intelligent people and, in turn, you yourself, will become that way as well.” You know…the whole…”If you get pregnant…I’m going to KILL YOU” speech. She gets it…but she also said right afterwards…”So….can I go up the street and hang out?”……….BLARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid was something else, let me tell ya. Total Eddie Haskel attitude. Saw right through it – laughed about it – watched him like a hawk – wanted to kill him – resisted the urge. SUCCESS.

So, summer breezes by and hillbilly boy moves away! SUH-WEET! Dodged a bullet! AWESOME! *happy dance* Left us with 2-3 weeks of peace and joy and happiness. YIPPY!

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN…she joins the volleyball team and now we’re trying like hell to get the schedule all figured out. It’s a nightmare – while at the same time, trying to be “cool mom” and getting the eye roll everytime I ask a question like:

Me: So, am I picking you up after practice today?

Her: *eyeroll*

Me: DUDE! I gotta know THAT, right? I mean do you just want to walk 10 miles home or what?!?!?!

Her: psshhh…whateverrrrr, it’s like 6:30.

Me: Do you want me to pick you up or is whats-her-faces Mom or Dad gonna get you guys?

Her: Pssshhh…*eyeroll* I guess.

Me: Welp…I suppose you should get the schedule from the coaches so we know one day to the next what time practice gets out, right?

Her: OKAAAAAAAYYYYY.

Me: *in my head* FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT smack this child!!!!! DO NOT DO IT!

Somehow I managed to keep what was left of my sense of humor. I’m truly being tested here, people. SERIOUSLY!

And the sad part? SCHOOL HADN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Lord and Baby Jesus help me through this to see the BIGGER PICTURE! AMEN!

So we have this…her first day…under our belt. It’s a freaking MIRACLE!

Also…I still have no idea what the schedule is for volleyball practice. I got another eyeroll just 5 minutes ago when I asked about tomorrow. Perfect. Oh damn…lookie there…my poor ice doesn’t have anything to swim around in. Gotta go! :o)

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Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

April 30, 2010 at 5:14 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

So, I’m dreaming last night…

Apparently I lost like 100 pounds and was rockin this awesome flowy slinky red dress with some of the most FABULOUS shoes known to man and I had somehow landed a date with Matt Damon.

Nevermind the fact that we’re both married and I’m not even particularly “fond” of Matty…I’m just saying it was a dream and I have no idea how this came to be.

So the next thing you know we are walking down the Strip in Vegas. Me…looking all sexy in my slinky red dress with a waistline like I haven’t seen since high school when my grandma and I handmade my poodle skirt for the 50’s concert that I ROCKED IT IN and had a 27″waist…i digress…

To recap: Me = Sexy, HOT, Mouth Wateringly GORGEOUS. Matt = Dashingly handsome and when he looked at me his eyes lit up and he smiled HUGE.

So we go dancing and I noticed how he wouldn’t hold me really, really close. And then we were browsing through the shops at Caesar’s Palace and this old couple waves us over and asks Matt if he could go in and grab them something and so I sat with the lady and she says how suited we are for eachother…I’m watching him grab the items for the old couple and I lean over to the lady and say, “You know…that’s Matt Damon…”…she replies, “I know, dear. He’s handsome, isn’t he?”…I’m all…”He is, indeed!”. Matt comes out and I grab his arm as we cross the street and he shoots me one of his “I’m Matt Damon” smiles and it melts me and I smile back and then he takes off in a full on sprint and RUNS across the street like he’s Tom Cruise in “The Firm” where the entire last 35 minutes of the movie he’s like FULL ON BOOKIN’ it through the street trying to escape the MOB, only Matt is running away from me!

So he gets accross the street and steals a bike and starts riding his bike down the damn Las Vegas Strip and I’m standing there in the middle of the street just kinda looking as he disappears in the distance, still looking DAMN HOT in my flowy red dress. So I cross the street thinking, “Well…we were heading up to MGM, so I may as well go up there to see if he’s there waiting for me.”

So I wobble the 2 miles up the Strip to the MGM and about this time I wake up thinking, WTF! NO WONDER I DON’T LIKE THAT GUY!!!!!

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