NaNoWriMo – 2nd attempt!

October 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Music, Politics, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Have you heard of NaNoWriMo?

November is the month to write a novel!!!! The goal of NaNoWriMo is to get as many people as we can muster to write a Novel in 30 days. A novel consists of 50,000 words. That equates to 1666.67 words written each day for 30 days.

This will be my 2nd attempt, although last year I think I stopped at one paragraph…this year I have something very inspiring to write about…and some may not think that I will be able to write an ENTIRE book about being bitchy, but I assure you…I have enough inspiration around me to last an entire Harry Potter-esque series…so thanks to a friend of mine for giving me the ammo to approach this goal again…I will attempt it. GOD HELP ME, I’ll ATTEMPT IT!

The support that flows through NaNoWriMo’s website it really wonderful…although it didn’t give me the kick in the ass that I needed last year to finish what I started! I don’t blame it on anyone but myself! I’m not a damn novelist! I like to BLOG about nonsense and mayhem and pissyness!!! I don’t care. This year…I’m sassy enough, bitchy enough and GODDAMMIT, people piss me off!

I hope you give it a shot. If you do, please let me know and I’ll be-friend you there and we’ll get this show on the road – TOGETHER! Yessirreebob!

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Lazy Daze

October 18, 2010 at 10:03 am (Cooking, Food, Humor, Kids, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

What a fantastical lazy weekend we had at my house this weekend! I woke up on Saturday and my little 9 year old was sitting on the couch just yawning away and said, “Mommy…I just wanna have a lazy day today full of snuggles and just watching TV under the blankets.”

insert squishy heart moment here

That kid gets me…she’s a mini-me! She will go to SLEEP at 7:30 pm without even being asked…she is AWESOME!

Another awesome thing about this weekend is that the hubs was all for the idea of laziness too – which is a rather HUGE DEAL! I mean…he still woke up at 5:00 am, but he wasn’t bustin his ass working around the house like he normally is. Dude can’t sit still…which makes me feel a tad guilty at times because I am MORE THAN HAPPY to just sit around and chill out most of the time.

Yesterday? I didn’t even take a SHOWER! Dude! I was all in my stretchy pants and baseball hat and no make-up and it was TERRIFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s something about fall that makes me want to just sit back and relax. The heater is cranking on every once in awhile, football is on, there are snacks strewn about the house, the weather is usually a tad too rainy to really be able to accomplish anything – although this weekend the sun was shining the ENTIRE TIME!

It’s a cozy, lazy, snuggly time of year. Time to cook your favorite chili’s and stews and all that fabulous comfort food that sits in your belly and just sings to your soul!

What’s your favorite thing to do on a lazy day?

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Inappropriate Language around Kids (HA!)

September 23, 2010 at 12:08 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Music, Random) (, , , , , , , , , )

So we’re out together as a family unit the other night at one of our fave wood fired pizza joints – in TACOMA WA of all places…no, no, we don’t live anywhere cool like Chicago, or NEW YORK! TACOMA, people.

So we’re there, it’s a place called “The Rock – Wood Fired Pizza” and their theme is like rock music, they have concert lighting and lots of brick and in fact, they had a stencil of Jimi Hendrix on the wall spray painted with black spray paint…it’s totally rad there. LOVE IT!

We were greeted and sat in a booth almost immediately…it was around 7:45pm – we had gotten a late start due to kiddo #1’s Volleyball game. Beverage order was taken, garlic cheese bread was ordered and there we sat. Some pretty good tunes play in this restaurant and Journey comes on. It was awesome. My kids have been completely exposed to all genres of music, it’s part of the master plan. You see, my daughter sings like CRAZY and well, we want her to be able to help us when we turn into old geezers so we expose her to TONS of music. Country, Rock, 80’s, 90’s, 60’s, 70’s…you get the picture. She LOVES it! And our littlest daughter who is 9? She loves – get this – ABBA and The Beatles!!!!! How awesome are we as parents??? You’d think she’d be all over Justin Beiber or something…NOPE!!! NOT A FREAKIN CHANCE! And for that? I think I love her a little MORE.

Journey hits the airwaves…

When the lights…go down…in the city…and the moon shines on…the bay…do I want to be THEEEYAYAYARE  in your CITAAAAAY….ooooooooh whooooaaaa whoooaaa..

Let me tell you…we had a band seated behind us, and about 4 other tables in there singing that song! HILARIOUS/AWESOME! I don’t think I’ve ever had a “My Best Friends Wedding” moment like that before. And being a musical family, we were totally DIGGING IT!

Okay…I mentioned that we had a band seated directly behind us, right? Well there were 5 dudes. And when they weren’t singing with the restaurant music, they were BS-ing like dudes do. Next thing you know…my 9 year old was all…”Someone should really tell those guys that using that inappropriate language isn’t nice around small children.” I almost shot Pepsi out of my nose! First of all…how many 9 year olds to you know that use the word “inappropriate”? And second of all…this was my response:

  • Me: I’ll give you $20 if you get up and go over there and say that.
  • Her: noooooo, mom. That’s embarrassing!
  • Me: I’ll give you permission to cuss this one time…I want you to walk over there and say “Listen up bitches, there are little damn kids in here. What the hell are you doing cussing like that so that all these kids can hear you?”
  • Her: *complete giggle fit*
  • Me: Seriously…I’ll give you $20 and permission to cuss.
  • Her: *continuing giggle fit*
  • Her older sister: I’ll do it!!!!!
  • Me: No deal. It’s gotta be the little blondie-blue-eyed kid.

So neither of them did it, but that would have been EFFING HILARIOUS!

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Whatsferdeeeeener?

September 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

So, I’m fairly good at making sure we eat at a reasonable hour, however there are times when I am not at all inspired or even hungry enough to figure out what to make for dinner.

On nights like these, I find that I like to tell the kiddos to “make a sandwich” or “make a salad” or (to the 14 year old) “Make a boxed noodle dinner”. Most of the time, I find I feel this way after an especially stressful day. Hell, sometimes I can’t even put forth the effort it takes to say the words, “go get in the shower, child”.

So this brings me to last night. My wonderful husband of 19 years was sitting on the couch last night after I returned with “The Volleyball Star’s” new V’ball spandex shorts that we had to specially buy or she wasn’t going to get to play, never mind the fact that she HAS some, they just aren’t made out of ENTIRELY spandex, but you almost have to TOUCH THEM to see they aren’t the shinier material and I had to spend ANOTHER $25 on this little fun extracurricular activity…*gasping for air*…but I digress…

He’s sitting there, reading his most current Esquire Magazine. We walk in, he looks up,  we express our success to him and 14 year old V’ball star hits the stairs to put her stuff away and I plop down in a chair as Mr. gets back to his magazine. I sit there. Staring at him. For an uncomfortable amount of time. He never once looks in my direction even though he was facing me and probably could COMPLETELY see that I was looking at him…he pretty much ignored me.

It’s that typical thing that us chicks fall for…we get pissy because we’re sitting there and want to talk, and we can’t BELIEVE that they can’t READ OUR MIND and notice that we have that look on our face like we have something to say. HOW DARE THEM!!!!!

So I sit there…and after about 5 minutes – which seemed like it was about 48 minutes, I got up and was all “Well….*that* was nice.” Under my breath of course…………………..

I march into the kitchen, get even MORE flabbergasted by the lack of inspiration that filled our cupboards and decided that I was gonna plop myself down and CHILL OUT.

An hour passes – which by the way, puts us at about 7:45pm – I thought my window had passed and I was going to make it off SCOTT FREE. I was getting sorta excited about just sitting there the rest of the night when Mr. walks in and was all….”So…you want some chicken-salad for dinner?” (Chicken-salad = strips of chicken cooked in Good Seasons Italian Dressing until nice and brown and tossed onto a bed of lettuce or baby spinach leaves and decked out however you like to deck a salad out…)

  • I said, “If that’s what you want then you can have it.”
  • He said, “I’ll be happy to cut up the chicken.”
  • I said, “Uh…so…I guess that means I’m going to be cooking dinner then, eh?”
  • He said, “If you don’t mind.”

Only on the inside I was thinking, “DAMMIT TO HELL!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!” and “WHY CAN’T YOU FREAKING DO THIS CRAP YOURSELF?!?!”

And then I checked my attitude, because you know why? Because when I started cooking that shizz? IT SMELLED AWESOMESAUCE, that’s why!!!! And I wanted some after all that hissy fit I just threw!

So that’s why I think he loves me. Because sometimes…not always…but SOME. TIMES. I do stuff I don’t wanna do just to make sure he’s taken care of. And THAT is why, when we got married at 19 years of age, we are STILL married today – because I will cook for him and he does the laundry, dishes and ALL the yardwork for me….

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A Road Trip to Remember

September 3, 2010 at 11:13 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

We had a great time! Tammy and I got an early start on Thursday because she left work earlier than she expected to, so we were on the road a little before 6 PM. We started the trip with The Dixie Chicks in the CD player. We were so excited! We had SNACKS! We had MUSIC! We had the anticipation of an AWESOME TRIP!

By 10:30 we were eating dinner in Eugene, OR. I HAD MY FIRST PEPSI IN 6 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!! It was more delicious than I remembered. This was my weekend to treat myself. We also hadta gas up and eat and decide if we felt like pushing ourselves or settling in for the night. We grabbed one of those rinky-dink hotel coupon books they have sitting in the cardboard stands near the newspapers – called a hotel that was about 2 1/2 hours MORE south than Eugene and decided that MEDFORD, OR would be where we spent the night. We got about 4 hours of sleep and hit the road again.

As we were driving through the dark of night…speeding WAAAAY too fast, we noticed something that we thought was going to be the GREATEST SIGN OF ALL TIME THAT WE WERE GOING TO WIN MONEY!!!! Can you see that? I was going 77 miles an hour and my mileage on my new car hit 7777!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT! Also…it was 11:49 pm. We were basically giddy anyway. It didn’t take much to put us over the edge.

For those of you that don’t know…I enjoy writing on the windows of my vehicles when I take a road trip. This one was no exception!

The only problem was, it was raining the entire time we were driving on Thursday, so I brought my MEGA CRAYOLA WINDOW MARKERS with us in the hopes that when we woke up in Southern Oregon, the weather would have taken a turn for the better.

We woke up the next morning – well, TAMMY woke up…I didn’t seem to sleep at all. I’m like a little kid sometimes! We got up, dressed, primped and packed and in about an hour we were off again! Well, lucky for us…IT STOPPED RAINING!!!!! While Tammy was hitting the office to take advantage of whatever rinky-dink continental breakfast they offered, I was busy with my markers. Above the squiggly yellow line it says, “HELLO GORGEOUS!!” Among other things, we had a Follow Us on Twitter message, a WILL WAVE FOR HONKS message, BUCKLE UP, WE LOVE YOU message…and a few silly others.

Here we are…getting ready for another ass-numbing ride in the car…this time, we aren’t pulling off the road till we’re there! COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!!!!!!!!

We jumped in the car and AWAAAAAAAAAYYYY We GO!!

After hitting the road, I quickly realized that I didn’t quite exactly review the directions before we left the hotel parking lot, and well……I got on I-5…heading south….and uh….I should have headed north about 3 measly exits. I wanted to fill up with gas, and there was an exit ahead about 2 miles, so we just continued on. Once we got there and filled the tank, I kinda sorta forgot to look at them AGAIN, and continued south…*shrugs* Who cares?!? I actually printed out TWO versions of directions…the short way and the longer more SCENIC route, in case Tammy wanted to see Mt. Shasta on the way there. So, basically, I gave her no choice. It only added another HOUR to the trip…and if we hadn’t taken the detour, we would never have gotten the awesome pictures that she took…so it was meant to be!

South to Redding, California it was! Tammy had never been much south of the Oregon/California border, so she was squealing pretty much the entire time…which…was fun/annoying, but then again, I can be pretty annoying too, what with being able to sing just about any song that comes on the radio/CD. Some of the stuff I was signing I haven’t heard in 25 years. I must be like a Musical Rainman or something because I was even impressing MYSELF!

So, let’s fast forward to when we hit Redding, California! All of a sudden Tammy got really doubtful of my navigational capabilities. And she has this cell phone, powered by Sprint – which gets no EFFING signal 99% of the time, and she whips it out and decides she’s gonna pull up the GPS. And it’s telling us we’re off course and telling us to get back on the freeway, and I’m all, “Dude, the stuff I printed out say to head through Redding and then we’ll get on a highway that heads EAST. We gotta head East at SOME POINT…” and she was all, “It doesn’t LOOK RIGHT!” and I was all…”Let’s just SEE where it takes us, because I’m fairly certain if we continue going SOUTH we’ll end up in MEXICO, and there aren’t any CASINO’S down there and I’m getting the CRAZY EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!” So, we went on our merry little way. We see the turn off that says Highway 44 East. SUH-WEET! IN YO’ FACE HOLMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a little happy dance/I told you so dance, and then she had to pee. PERFECT! *rolls eyes*

I can hold it for HOURS! I’m like a fricken CAMEL…Tammy on the other hand has a bladder the size of a thimble and she takes one sip of water and WHAMMO!!! She’s all, “GIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL! I gots ta PEE!!!!!!!” So we stop at the next rest stop, do our THANG, hope back in the car and get gas at the next gas station we see, and head up and over the “Siskyou” mountain range. Very pretty…very road constructiony….very…uh…ROAD KILLY!!!

So we’re driving up and over the mountains and we’re jammin to some Dixie Chicks travelling at about 77 miles an hour still because I decided that was the lucky speed to be traveling and……and this squirrel the size of a Wiener Dog runs into the road, stops, looks at me, does a stutter step to the left, a stutter step to the right, takes about 4 little squirrely steps………………….and………………….uh – THUNK THUNK THUNK THUD THUNK…………………..I killed that little sucker! I can’t believe it STILL! I’ve never hit ANYTHING! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tammy threw her hands over her mouth. I threw ONE hand over my mouth! “HOLY SHIT! I JUST KILLED THAT SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!” Tammy is like screaming her head off and I was all, “Holy shit! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!? He like ran out in the middle of the road and tried to turn back, then realized he was already too committed and turned to keep going, then turned back to look at me and then kinda decided to just go and WHAMMO!!!!!!!!”…Tammy said, “YOU MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!”….

As I sat there, still going 77, that THUNKING kinda just kept echoing in my head. I kept replaying it over and over, if there was something I could have done differently…but DUDE! I was going SEVENTY-SEVEN MILES AN HOUR! If I had jerked the steering wheel to avoid him, I could have flipped the car, FIRST OF ALL. SECONDLY, there was like a CLIFF on the right! Basically, it was HIM or ME!!!!!! And then the Elton John song ran through my head from the Lion King – The Circle of Life. And I decided that I was just helping the vultures and crows and all the other scavengers live high on the hog that day. Then I said a little prayer for the Lord not to give me back luck, because let’s face it…he created squirrels too! And it was OBVIOUS I felt really REALLY bad, except…I kinda sorta started laughing shortly after the THUNKING stopped, because…if I hadn’tve started laughing, I might have started crying…and well? Who wants to see a grown CARM cry?!? NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s all for now. More later or tomorrow. I have lots to do still. LOVE YOU!

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High School DRAMA

September 3, 2010 at 3:54 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Holy crap. Today was my daughter’s first day in High School. I need a drink. As I’m pouring my drink, let’s recap the summer of FOURTEEN, shall we?

First of all, she got “chummy” with her first BOY interest this summer. She, of course, picked the MOST – for lack of a better term (and also one that my favorite gay neighbor uses) – HILLBILLIEST family on the block to hang around with. It was KILLING ME!!! But trying to be the “cool mom”, I laid down the ground rules about a week into this fiasco. “Protect your virtue.”  “Tell me if anything out of line happens.”  “Keep your eye on your life goals.”  “Surround yourself with successful intelligent people and, in turn, you yourself, will become that way as well.” You know…the whole…”If you get pregnant…I’m going to KILL YOU” speech. She gets it…but she also said right afterwards…”So….can I go up the street and hang out?”……….BLARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid was something else, let me tell ya. Total Eddie Haskel attitude. Saw right through it – laughed about it – watched him like a hawk – wanted to kill him – resisted the urge. SUCCESS.

So, summer breezes by and hillbilly boy moves away! SUH-WEET! Dodged a bullet! AWESOME! *happy dance* Left us with 2-3 weeks of peace and joy and happiness. YIPPY!

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN…she joins the volleyball team and now we’re trying like hell to get the schedule all figured out. It’s a nightmare – while at the same time, trying to be “cool mom” and getting the eye roll everytime I ask a question like:

Me: So, am I picking you up after practice today?

Her: *eyeroll*

Me: DUDE! I gotta know THAT, right? I mean do you just want to walk 10 miles home or what?!?!?!

Her: psshhh…whateverrrrr, it’s like 6:30.

Me: Do you want me to pick you up or is whats-her-faces Mom or Dad gonna get you guys?

Her: Pssshhh…*eyeroll* I guess.

Me: Welp…I suppose you should get the schedule from the coaches so we know one day to the next what time practice gets out, right?

Her: OKAAAAAAAYYYYY.

Me: *in my head* FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT smack this child!!!!! DO NOT DO IT!

Somehow I managed to keep what was left of my sense of humor. I’m truly being tested here, people. SERIOUSLY!

And the sad part? SCHOOL HADN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Lord and Baby Jesus help me through this to see the BIGGER PICTURE! AMEN!

So we have this…her first day…under our belt. It’s a freaking MIRACLE!

Also…I still have no idea what the schedule is for volleyball practice. I got another eyeroll just 5 minutes ago when I asked about tomorrow. Perfect. Oh damn…lookie there…my poor ice doesn’t have anything to swim around in. Gotta go! :o)

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Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

April 30, 2010 at 5:14 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Matt Damon Dumped Me in Vegas

So, I’m dreaming last night…

Apparently I lost like 100 pounds and was rockin this awesome flowy slinky red dress with some of the most FABULOUS shoes known to man and I had somehow landed a date with Matt Damon.

Nevermind the fact that we’re both married and I’m not even particularly “fond” of Matty…I’m just saying it was a dream and I have no idea how this came to be.

So the next thing you know we are walking down the Strip in Vegas. Me…looking all sexy in my slinky red dress with a waistline like I haven’t seen since high school when my grandma and I handmade my poodle skirt for the 50’s concert that I ROCKED IT IN and had a 27″waist…i digress…

To recap: Me = Sexy, HOT, Mouth Wateringly GORGEOUS. Matt = Dashingly handsome and when he looked at me his eyes lit up and he smiled HUGE.

So we go dancing and I noticed how he wouldn’t hold me really, really close. And then we were browsing through the shops at Caesar’s Palace and this old couple waves us over and asks Matt if he could go in and grab them something and so I sat with the lady and she says how suited we are for eachother…I’m watching him grab the items for the old couple and I lean over to the lady and say, “You know…that’s Matt Damon…”…she replies, “I know, dear. He’s handsome, isn’t he?”…I’m all…”He is, indeed!”. Matt comes out and I grab his arm as we cross the street and he shoots me one of his “I’m Matt Damon” smiles and it melts me and I smile back and then he takes off in a full on sprint and RUNS across the street like he’s Tom Cruise in “The Firm” where the entire last 35 minutes of the movie he’s like FULL ON BOOKIN’ it through the street trying to escape the MOB, only Matt is running away from me!

So he gets accross the street and steals a bike and starts riding his bike down the damn Las Vegas Strip and I’m standing there in the middle of the street just kinda looking as he disappears in the distance, still looking DAMN HOT in my flowy red dress. So I cross the street thinking, “Well…we were heading up to MGM, so I may as well go up there to see if he’s there waiting for me.”

So I wobble the 2 miles up the Strip to the MGM and about this time I wake up thinking, WTF! NO WONDER I DON’T LIKE THAT GUY!!!!!

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