Big Time Jitters

February 8, 2011 at 11:04 am (Career, Cooking, Entertainment, Food, Humor, Random) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Wow…so I suppose I’ll start by saying some things have occurred to me recently…

  1. I use too many exclamation points. But it’s in my genetic workup, so I’m not making any promises to eradicate my exclamation point usage…but I’ll WORK ON IT. How’s that? Good.
  2. I applied for a business license. I got my first opportunity to do some writing and actually get paid for it, so, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m super excited to get started and see where this chapter of my life takes me.
  3. I decided to start an additional BLOG, which will hopefully tie into some of the work that I will be doing for another company my husband and I want to launch – but right now it’s a pipe dream…maybe someday. I’d like to focus on food. Reviewing restaurants, kitchen gadgets, etc. Writing stories about it, sharing recipes…and on and on. Anyway – once it gets fully set up, I’ll launch it properly and hopefully have a lot of fun with it.

I heard someone say recently that “Whatever you do in your spare time, should be what you do for life.” It struck a cord in me – and then all these ideas started flowing and spewing out of my head. SO – here I go! I’m on my way. Let’s hope it takes me on a fun adventure!

Also – please note that there are only two exclamation points in this entire post. Pretty impressive, no?

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This Town is Out to GET ME…and other Lunch Time Ramblings

February 8, 2011 at 11:01 am (Entertainment, Food, Humor, Random) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Funny thing happened at lunch the other day – I’ve tweeted about it and even perhaps based a Facebook status on this subject…but it’s so hard to elaborate in 140 characters or less. Here’s the long version:

Our office recently moved to a city that I’ve never spent that much time in – approximately 45 minutes AS THE xB FLIES – and I ventured out to lunch a couple weeks ago. The thing is, the morning before this fateful lunch hour, I had gotten to work earlier than anticipated and decided to go on a drive around the new ‘hood to check out the lay of the land. Where are all the hot spots for lunch? Gas stations? The banks…yadda-yadda-bleh. So I do that and head into work.

The next day I decided to go hit up one of the places I found for lunch. I found a sign down a semi-residential street that appeared to give the illusion of a back entrance – SUH-WEET! So I head down the street that this secret driveway dumped onto in search of the hidden entrance…huh…sure seems like I should have found it by now, eh? Hmmm…keep driving a little more – I’m sure it’ll pop up soon, if not I’ll take the first left I can and head off to the main road and find it that way. Seems simple enough, right? Suuuuuure…you would say that…

Next street that popped up was a 4 way stop. I turned left. I’m driving along and notice that there’s a car that just took a really tight right turn onto the road I was traveling on and then they kinda moved to the left a little so that we wouldn’t crash. I’m all, “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING MORON!!!!!”…only…turns out IIIIIIIIII was the MORON in this situation because about 3 blocks back, when I turned left? I had just turned onto a ONE WAY STREET – GOING THE WRONG WAY!!!!! HOLY SHIT! So the next possible driveway I could turn into was a Grocery Store parking lot – thank GAWD! As I turned in someone was kind enough to be coming out of the driveway I was driving INTO and they kindly honked their horn as though to say, “Excuse me ma’am…you were just going the wrong way down a one-way street…were you aware of that?”…I’m sure the look on my face was saying everything my mouth couldn’t at the time. Something like, “FUCK YEAH! I JUST FIGURED THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!!!!” And then I almost had a heart attack. Luckily there was only that one car who kinda just simply got outta my way, but I’ve been down that road a time or two – GOING THE RIGHT WAY – and I can tell you that God must have been my co-pilot that day because there’s normally lots-o-traffic on that stupid street!

Funny thing, that same day – I hit the Taco Time after I had calmed myself down and went through the drive-thru for one of their DELICIOUS TOSTADO SALADS – of the BEEF variety – when as I was exiting the drive through I was almost clobbered by a car backing out of their parking space and almost got smooshed in my new car!!!! I think I was just happy to make it home that day in one piece! It was a miracle.

SO that takes me to today’s lunch adventure – again – two weeks later, headed to Taco Time for another delicious TOSTADO SALAD – of the BEEF variety – and as I exited their parking lot, waiting for my turn to get onto the one-way street (headed in the correct direction) I noticed their driveway entrance was designed by someone from ENGLAND because they had the driveway spill out onto the street and for the people entering this fine fast food establishment from the street, they were to enter on the LEFT SIDE of the driveway entrance and those DEPARTING were to be leaving via the RIGHT SIDE of the entrance…which is COMPLETELY ASS BACKWARDS. So I was second in line and not expecting the “lead car” to veer to the right…and so I was basically taking up ALLLL the space for any incoming cars to enter the parking lot. Here’s my BEEF – pun intended – WTF, man!!!! No matter what kind of street your place is situated on, aren’t you supposed to follow even the most BASIC driving patterns? Let me illustrate, okay????

This is how it SHOULD BE:

_____________|   v           ^   |________________

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>one way>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This is the way it IS:

_____________| ^              v  |________________

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>one way>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Lame, right? I mean…the way it IS, obviously would block traffic, since along those long lines is parking and also an aisle for the drive-thru customers to drive to exit the drive-thru!!!! It’s SIMPLE, really…even my 9 year old would design it as the way I illustrated it in the “SHOULD BE” picture…

So I think that this town is going to give me lots of material for my blog the more I venture out. Stay tuned. I really hope the illustrations show properly when I publish this post. We’ll see I guess.

Thanks for stopping by! Love, Carm

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NaNoWriMo – 2nd attempt!

October 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Music, Politics, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Have you heard of NaNoWriMo?

November is the month to write a novel!!!! The goal of NaNoWriMo is to get as many people as we can muster to write a Novel in 30 days. A novel consists of 50,000 words. That equates to 1666.67 words written each day for 30 days.

This will be my 2nd attempt, although last year I think I stopped at one paragraph…this year I have something very inspiring to write about…and some may not think that I will be able to write an ENTIRE book about being bitchy, but I assure you…I have enough inspiration around me to last an entire Harry Potter-esque series…so thanks to a friend of mine for giving me the ammo to approach this goal again…I will attempt it. GOD HELP ME, I’ll ATTEMPT IT!

The support that flows through NaNoWriMo’s website it really wonderful…although it didn’t give me the kick in the ass that I needed last year to finish what I started! I don’t blame it on anyone but myself! I’m not a damn novelist! I like to BLOG about nonsense and mayhem and pissyness!!! I don’t care. This year…I’m sassy enough, bitchy enough and GODDAMMIT, people piss me off!

I hope you give it a shot. If you do, please let me know and I’ll be-friend you there and we’ll get this show on the road – TOGETHER! Yessirreebob!

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Rantings about Co-Workers

September 28, 2010 at 11:14 am (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Much like this baby...I'm annoyed.

Here we go…firstly…none of these morons know that I have a blog. SO….I’m going to speak FREELY. And for those of you who feel I’m being judgmental. Yes. I am. I’m in a mood today, so either quit reading now before your vision of me is clouded with “Wow! I didn’t know Carm could be such a BIATCH!” I assure you…I can…and while these people around me on a daily basis are getting on my LAST DAMN NERVE…I *do* still love them…somewhere in the deep recesses of the very fiber of my being, although today…I’d be hard pressed to find where those recesses are. Just be prepared for some profanity laced rants. You have been warned.

AAAAAAND we’re off!

Finger nail clipping. Really? Do you HONESTLY need to do that at work? There is something just INCREDIBLY GROTESQUE about doing this grooming exercise at work. It makes the hair on my neck stand up.

Sneezing without covering your mouth. Not only have I expressed my displeasure at this practice POINTEDLY with this person, but so have my parents – who own this company and sign her checks. She refuses. Would you like to hear what she actually said to me once when I asked her not to sneeze into my office without covering her mouth? Are you sitting down?

I’m not sick.

3 words that turned me into a raving BITCH ON WHEELS! YOU’RE NOT SICK? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?! Let’s turn to our favorite Mythbusters, shall we? The science of a sneeze. Yes, you need to sit through a stupid commercial, but it’s totally worth it and you will thank me for enlightening you.

THIS…is why I got in her shit. I don’t give a rats ass if you aren’t sick. You are sneezing TOWARDS MY OFFICE. It’s like you are spitting in my FACE!!!!!!! She even turns her HEAD in my direction. I think I’m going to vomit. And being the “kind” person that I am…it KILLS me to say “Bless You” when she sneezes, because I’d rather punch her in the throat, but I say it…yeah…I say it.

THIS JUST HAPPENED: The phone rang. Normally I don’t answer on the first ring, we have someone here to answers the phone, but if it rings more than once, I’m ON IT. So the phone rings…once…twice…AAALLLMOST 3 times, but I pick it up before it actually rings the third time. Then, Ms. Sneezy Face walks by my office and was all, “Did the phone ring?”……………..Yeah…it did. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!? Like I would be answering the phone without it ringing? Questions to answers that you already know the answer to annoy the hell out of me. This seems to be the practice of most busy-bodies that I know. They have to be in on everything and if they ask questions that CLEARLY the answer has just played out in front of them does a couple things…it 1.) Re-affirms that this person is indeed all up in EVERYBODY’s business…and 2.) Enforces it to everyone around them that not much gets by them because they are sooooo on top of everything.

I.T. guys in GENERAL drive me insane, but the one we have here seems to me that he’s either got some major OCD issues or he’s slightly Autistic. Far be it from me to poke fun at Autism, but when it’s in the form of a kid in his low 30’s who still acts like he’s 17, what with the video gaming, quad riding, obnoxious fascination with WWF…and his tendency to ramble on and on and on while standing in my office about things that I don’t solicit knowing ANY detail about…just completely and totally gets on my nerves. Why do I need to know about something that was shipped to our office, that you didn’t fill out a purchase request for, because it was an automatic update and has no impact on anyone but HIM? It’s like on a daily basis he wastes a FULL HOUR of my time with interruptions like these. I’ll be honest…it makes me want to drink…or smoke crack. I haven’t decided yet.

The office “Know-it-all”. Someone who works for MY PARENTS, continually thinks that he knows more about their quirks than I do. Trying to hold a conversation with this person is pointless. He “one-up’s” EVERYTHING! We shared a lunch hour ONCE. Yes…just the ONE TIME, before I asked to take another lunch hour. I had decided that I’d spend the entire hour talking about various topics in front of him, just to see if/how he could share with us AAAALLLLLL how he had been there done that. I had a friend of mine with me for that hour. What transpired was simply….magical. It gave us enough material on this guy to last for YEARS! We *still* talk about that day. And it’s 5 years later. You talk about something you cooked for dinner, he’d tell you how to make it BETTER. You talk about how you pulled weeds in the backyard, he’s got a tool or a chemical that ERADICATES weeds forEVER! NEVER AGAIN will you have to bend over and pull another weed! We talked about giving birth…somehow, he found a way to worm his way into that too. Apparently NOTHING is sacred to this guy. But it was fun going in to see how many times, he’d jump in – it’s when you aren’t wanting him to, when it gets really hard to maintain any sense of sanity.

Do you need to HUM ALL DAY LONG? Right outside my door sits the nail clipping, no-sneeze covering, HUMMER. It happens ALL. DAY. LONG. I have to turn my stereo on pretty loud to drown her out. Sometimes she’ll come in my office, sit down and just want to shoot the shit and while I’m working…she hums. My skin crawls.

How about this one? Ever have someone…say a parent or a sibling, that seems a little dopey or A.D.D.? Try having a mother and a brother that both work with you and trying to hold a serious detailed conversation and something shiny floats by and all of a sudden you have to repeat EVERYTHING you just said because they got distracted. I literally have to ask then twice while I’m in mid conversation if they are paying attention.

Oh…this is just the tip of the iceberg, people. But I’m getting a bit edgy so I should probably stop.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your workplace or homefront frustrations. I’d really like to know I’m not alone here.

kthanksloveyoubye

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High School DRAMA

September 3, 2010 at 3:54 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Holy crap. Today was my daughter’s first day in High School. I need a drink. As I’m pouring my drink, let’s recap the summer of FOURTEEN, shall we?

First of all, she got “chummy” with her first BOY interest this summer. She, of course, picked the MOST – for lack of a better term (and also one that my favorite gay neighbor uses) – HILLBILLIEST family on the block to hang around with. It was KILLING ME!!! But trying to be the “cool mom”, I laid down the ground rules about a week into this fiasco. “Protect your virtue.”  “Tell me if anything out of line happens.”  “Keep your eye on your life goals.”  “Surround yourself with successful intelligent people and, in turn, you yourself, will become that way as well.” You know…the whole…”If you get pregnant…I’m going to KILL YOU” speech. She gets it…but she also said right afterwards…”So….can I go up the street and hang out?”……….BLARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid was something else, let me tell ya. Total Eddie Haskel attitude. Saw right through it – laughed about it – watched him like a hawk – wanted to kill him – resisted the urge. SUCCESS.

So, summer breezes by and hillbilly boy moves away! SUH-WEET! Dodged a bullet! AWESOME! *happy dance* Left us with 2-3 weeks of peace and joy and happiness. YIPPY!

THEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN…she joins the volleyball team and now we’re trying like hell to get the schedule all figured out. It’s a nightmare – while at the same time, trying to be “cool mom” and getting the eye roll everytime I ask a question like:

Me: So, am I picking you up after practice today?

Her: *eyeroll*

Me: DUDE! I gotta know THAT, right? I mean do you just want to walk 10 miles home or what?!?!?!

Her: psshhh…whateverrrrr, it’s like 6:30.

Me: Do you want me to pick you up or is whats-her-faces Mom or Dad gonna get you guys?

Her: Pssshhh…*eyeroll* I guess.

Me: Welp…I suppose you should get the schedule from the coaches so we know one day to the next what time practice gets out, right?

Her: OKAAAAAAAYYYYY.

Me: *in my head* FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT smack this child!!!!! DO NOT DO IT!

Somehow I managed to keep what was left of my sense of humor. I’m truly being tested here, people. SERIOUSLY!

And the sad part? SCHOOL HADN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good Lord and Baby Jesus help me through this to see the BIGGER PICTURE! AMEN!

So we have this…her first day…under our belt. It’s a freaking MIRACLE!

Also…I still have no idea what the schedule is for volleyball practice. I got another eyeroll just 5 minutes ago when I asked about tomorrow. Perfect. Oh damn…lookie there…my poor ice doesn’t have anything to swim around in. Gotta go! :o)

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