NaNoWriMo – 2nd attempt!

October 20, 2010 at 3:59 pm (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Music, Politics, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Have you heard of NaNoWriMo?

November is the month to write a novel!!!! The goal of NaNoWriMo is to get as many people as we can muster to write a Novel in 30 days. A novel consists of 50,000 words. That equates to 1666.67 words written each day for 30 days.

This will be my 2nd attempt, although last year I think I stopped at one paragraph…this year I have something very inspiring to write about…and some may not think that I will be able to write an ENTIRE book about being bitchy, but I assure you…I have enough inspiration around me to last an entire Harry Potter-esque series…so thanks to a friend of mine for giving me the ammo to approach this goal again…I will attempt it. GOD HELP ME, I’ll ATTEMPT IT!

The support that flows through NaNoWriMo’s website it really wonderful…although it didn’t give me the kick in the ass that I needed last year to finish what I started! I don’t blame it on anyone but myself! I’m not a damn novelist! I like to BLOG about nonsense and mayhem and pissyness!!! I don’t care. This year…I’m sassy enough, bitchy enough and GODDAMMIT, people piss me off!

I hope you give it a shot. If you do, please let me know and I’ll be-friend you there and we’ll get this show on the road – TOGETHER! Yessirreebob!

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Lazy Daze

October 18, 2010 at 10:03 am (Cooking, Food, Humor, Kids, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

What a fantastical lazy weekend we had at my house this weekend! I woke up on Saturday and my little 9 year old was sitting on the couch just yawning away and said, “Mommy…I just wanna have a lazy day today full of snuggles and just watching TV under the blankets.”

insert squishy heart moment here

That kid gets me…she’s a mini-me! She will go to SLEEP at 7:30 pm without even being asked…she is AWESOME!

Another awesome thing about this weekend is that the hubs was all for the idea of laziness too – which is a rather HUGE DEAL! I mean…he still woke up at 5:00 am, but he wasn’t bustin his ass working around the house like he normally is. Dude can’t sit still…which makes me feel a tad guilty at times because I am MORE THAN HAPPY to just sit around and chill out most of the time.

Yesterday? I didn’t even take a SHOWER! Dude! I was all in my stretchy pants and baseball hat and no make-up and it was TERRIFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s something about fall that makes me want to just sit back and relax. The heater is cranking on every once in awhile, football is on, there are snacks strewn about the house, the weather is usually a tad too rainy to really be able to accomplish anything – although this weekend the sun was shining the ENTIRE TIME!

It’s a cozy, lazy, snuggly time of year. Time to cook your favorite chili’s and stews and all that fabulous comfort food that sits in your belly and just sings to your soul!

What’s your favorite thing to do on a lazy day?

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Once we lived on a farm…weird.

October 14, 2010 at 2:36 pm (Uncategorized)

About 8 years ago, my hubby and I had made the decision to finally buy a home. We had the two kiddo’s, the dog, the mini-van…the OBVIOUS next step is a house, right??

As it turns out hubby’s parents – his DAD specifically – have lived on their land for a few generations…in fact, hubby’s grandpa built the house when he came over here on a boat and landed in the US. His whole family prides themselves for being “Dumb Swedes”…while MY family prides itself for being Choctaw Indian.

So the grandpa of my hubby built the house that hubby’s dad grew up in and eventually, the one my hubby grew up in as well. We were actually offered the house to purchase, but this didn’t work out –  big long drawn out story about a contractor pushing around a bunch of old people who have lived off the land and offered the old folks some money for the place, it was more than they could have imagined, but not as much as the 2 acres was WORTH, and subsequently…the parents made the decision to sell to the contractor instead of us. I’m kinda bitter about it, because it was practically a done deal before this smooth talkin asshole wormed his way in and they didn’t ask any of their children for advice…

I DIGRESS ~

We lived in the farmhouse for about 9 months because they moved into a retirement community and the house wasn’t going to be occupied, so we were allowed to stay there rent free.

After about three months of living there, the in-laws popped over and to our dismay, they came into the house and said, “Guess you forgot to feed the chickens in the barn, eh?”

YOU GUYS!!!!! We didn’t feed the damn chickens for like, THREE MONTHS!!!!!!!!!

Holy Jesus I’m going to hell for forgetting the chickens!

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Rantings about Co-Workers

September 28, 2010 at 11:14 am (Career, Co-Workers, Entertainment, Humor, Random, Rants, Uncategorized, Work) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Much like this baby...I'm annoyed.

Here we go…firstly…none of these morons know that I have a blog. SO….I’m going to speak FREELY. And for those of you who feel I’m being judgmental. Yes. I am. I’m in a mood today, so either quit reading now before your vision of me is clouded with “Wow! I didn’t know Carm could be such a BIATCH!” I assure you…I can…and while these people around me on a daily basis are getting on my LAST DAMN NERVE…I *do* still love them…somewhere in the deep recesses of the very fiber of my being, although today…I’d be hard pressed to find where those recesses are. Just be prepared for some profanity laced rants. You have been warned.

AAAAAAND we’re off!

Finger nail clipping. Really? Do you HONESTLY need to do that at work? There is something just INCREDIBLY GROTESQUE about doing this grooming exercise at work. It makes the hair on my neck stand up.

Sneezing without covering your mouth. Not only have I expressed my displeasure at this practice POINTEDLY with this person, but so have my parents – who own this company and sign her checks. She refuses. Would you like to hear what she actually said to me once when I asked her not to sneeze into my office without covering her mouth? Are you sitting down?

I’m not sick.

3 words that turned me into a raving BITCH ON WHEELS! YOU’RE NOT SICK? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?! Let’s turn to our favorite Mythbusters, shall we? The science of a sneeze. Yes, you need to sit through a stupid commercial, but it’s totally worth it and you will thank me for enlightening you.

THIS…is why I got in her shit. I don’t give a rats ass if you aren’t sick. You are sneezing TOWARDS MY OFFICE. It’s like you are spitting in my FACE!!!!!!! She even turns her HEAD in my direction. I think I’m going to vomit. And being the “kind” person that I am…it KILLS me to say “Bless You” when she sneezes, because I’d rather punch her in the throat, but I say it…yeah…I say it.

THIS JUST HAPPENED: The phone rang. Normally I don’t answer on the first ring, we have someone here to answers the phone, but if it rings more than once, I’m ON IT. So the phone rings…once…twice…AAALLLMOST 3 times, but I pick it up before it actually rings the third time. Then, Ms. Sneezy Face walks by my office and was all, “Did the phone ring?”……………..Yeah…it did. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!? Like I would be answering the phone without it ringing? Questions to answers that you already know the answer to annoy the hell out of me. This seems to be the practice of most busy-bodies that I know. They have to be in on everything and if they ask questions that CLEARLY the answer has just played out in front of them does a couple things…it 1.) Re-affirms that this person is indeed all up in EVERYBODY’s business…and 2.) Enforces it to everyone around them that not much gets by them because they are sooooo on top of everything.

I.T. guys in GENERAL drive me insane, but the one we have here seems to me that he’s either got some major OCD issues or he’s slightly Autistic. Far be it from me to poke fun at Autism, but when it’s in the form of a kid in his low 30’s who still acts like he’s 17, what with the video gaming, quad riding, obnoxious fascination with WWF…and his tendency to ramble on and on and on while standing in my office about things that I don’t solicit knowing ANY detail about…just completely and totally gets on my nerves. Why do I need to know about something that was shipped to our office, that you didn’t fill out a purchase request for, because it was an automatic update and has no impact on anyone but HIM? It’s like on a daily basis he wastes a FULL HOUR of my time with interruptions like these. I’ll be honest…it makes me want to drink…or smoke crack. I haven’t decided yet.

The office “Know-it-all”. Someone who works for MY PARENTS, continually thinks that he knows more about their quirks than I do. Trying to hold a conversation with this person is pointless. He “one-up’s” EVERYTHING! We shared a lunch hour ONCE. Yes…just the ONE TIME, before I asked to take another lunch hour. I had decided that I’d spend the entire hour talking about various topics in front of him, just to see if/how he could share with us AAAALLLLLL how he had been there done that. I had a friend of mine with me for that hour. What transpired was simply….magical. It gave us enough material on this guy to last for YEARS! We *still* talk about that day. And it’s 5 years later. You talk about something you cooked for dinner, he’d tell you how to make it BETTER. You talk about how you pulled weeds in the backyard, he’s got a tool or a chemical that ERADICATES weeds forEVER! NEVER AGAIN will you have to bend over and pull another weed! We talked about giving birth…somehow, he found a way to worm his way into that too. Apparently NOTHING is sacred to this guy. But it was fun going in to see how many times, he’d jump in – it’s when you aren’t wanting him to, when it gets really hard to maintain any sense of sanity.

Do you need to HUM ALL DAY LONG? Right outside my door sits the nail clipping, no-sneeze covering, HUMMER. It happens ALL. DAY. LONG. I have to turn my stereo on pretty loud to drown her out. Sometimes she’ll come in my office, sit down and just want to shoot the shit and while I’m working…she hums. My skin crawls.

How about this one? Ever have someone…say a parent or a sibling, that seems a little dopey or A.D.D.? Try having a mother and a brother that both work with you and trying to hold a serious detailed conversation and something shiny floats by and all of a sudden you have to repeat EVERYTHING you just said because they got distracted. I literally have to ask then twice while I’m in mid conversation if they are paying attention.

Oh…this is just the tip of the iceberg, people. But I’m getting a bit edgy so I should probably stop.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your workplace or homefront frustrations. I’d really like to know I’m not alone here.

kthanksloveyoubye

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My Friend Wish-List

September 17, 2010 at 10:09 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

So my all-time wish is to be Will Smith’s friend. Please understand..it’s not because he’s “hot” (thanks Paris for that little slang term)…it not because he is, as we call it in our house “L-O-D-I-D”. I’m not in it for the fortune or fame…I just think he is a COOL DUDE!  Look at him…he’s all “Wassup Carm-dogg?!?” I’m all, “SUP WILL SMIFFFF!!!” He loves his wife, he’s silly like me and he can DUMB-DANCE like a MO-FO!

Oh, I’m not done…my list goes on…

Oprah. She would enrich my life. She’s a lovely woman who I could just really feel that I could make laugh. I don’t know…I think she’d get a kick out of me. Does that sound conceited? I hope not.

The Obama’s. I want to be their friend. I know – that is too much to ask. WAAAY too much. I just get so warm and fuzzy when I see them that I just want more – not in a stalker kind of way…in an, “I want them to come over for dinner once-a-month” kind of way. Wow…look that them. She’s waving at me, I think.

Vince Gill. The dude is a teddy bear and I love him. He’s got one of the most beautiful voices of all time and can play the guitar like nobody’s business. I’d love to sing harmony with him. While I’m at it, his wife, Amy Grant and I could go shopping a few times a month and just chit-chat about silly things. I think that would be awesome.

Alisson Krauss. I want to sing with her. I have a decent singing voice and had I not fallen for my high-school love and gotten hitched at the ripe old age of 19 I would have persued a singing career. I would love her to invite me to a recording session and watch the silliness unfold and close my eyes and listen to her sweet, sweet voice as it fills me with pure joy. Pretty thing that she is!

Simon Cowell. I think he’s not as bad as they say he is and I would enjoy being with him without all the cameras around to see what he’s really like. Look at that smile…he can’t be all bad, right?!?! hehehe

Africa. I want Africa to be my friend. It’s true. Is that even possible? Whenever I hear of my friends going on missionary trips to Africa…I get all goosebumpy and immediately start to tear up. Perhaps if Oprah decides that she would be my friend, she’d let me work at her school. I would enjoy that. There is something to be said for a culture who looks so happy when they have so little. I may never want to come back if I ever get a chance to visit there. Look at those faces. I could just smooch them all over!!!

Michael Buble. His voice melts me. It’s got nothing to do with his boyish charm or anything…I just wanna hang with him. It’d be awesome to sing with him as well. He just oozes coolness and I suppose that I just want some of that to brush off on me.

I think he’s laughing at a joke I just told him…he’s all, “Carm…that was a HORRIBLE joke!”…I’m all, “I know, Mike…just thought it would make a good reaction shot…”

Ashton & Demi – look at em. I wanna be their friend! Who’dda thunk it? Not me! Probably not them, but I’m oooooh so happy for them! And I think Demi just took a picture of me! Hey Ashton – You guys are cute! No, that’s okay…I’ll stay over here! Catch’ya later!

That’s it for now – it took me forever to post all those pictures…it’s almost dinnertime!! LOL I love you – I really do…you can ask ANYONE! ~ Carm

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Whatsferdeeeeener?

September 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm (Entertainment, Humor, Kids, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

So, I’m fairly good at making sure we eat at a reasonable hour, however there are times when I am not at all inspired or even hungry enough to figure out what to make for dinner.

On nights like these, I find that I like to tell the kiddos to “make a sandwich” or “make a salad” or (to the 14 year old) “Make a boxed noodle dinner”. Most of the time, I find I feel this way after an especially stressful day. Hell, sometimes I can’t even put forth the effort it takes to say the words, “go get in the shower, child”.

So this brings me to last night. My wonderful husband of 19 years was sitting on the couch last night after I returned with “The Volleyball Star’s” new V’ball spandex shorts that we had to specially buy or she wasn’t going to get to play, never mind the fact that she HAS some, they just aren’t made out of ENTIRELY spandex, but you almost have to TOUCH THEM to see they aren’t the shinier material and I had to spend ANOTHER $25 on this little fun extracurricular activity…*gasping for air*…but I digress…

He’s sitting there, reading his most current Esquire Magazine. We walk in, he looks up,  we express our success to him and 14 year old V’ball star hits the stairs to put her stuff away and I plop down in a chair as Mr. gets back to his magazine. I sit there. Staring at him. For an uncomfortable amount of time. He never once looks in my direction even though he was facing me and probably could COMPLETELY see that I was looking at him…he pretty much ignored me.

It’s that typical thing that us chicks fall for…we get pissy because we’re sitting there and want to talk, and we can’t BELIEVE that they can’t READ OUR MIND and notice that we have that look on our face like we have something to say. HOW DARE THEM!!!!!

So I sit there…and after about 5 minutes – which seemed like it was about 48 minutes, I got up and was all “Well….*that* was nice.” Under my breath of course…………………..

I march into the kitchen, get even MORE flabbergasted by the lack of inspiration that filled our cupboards and decided that I was gonna plop myself down and CHILL OUT.

An hour passes – which by the way, puts us at about 7:45pm – I thought my window had passed and I was going to make it off SCOTT FREE. I was getting sorta excited about just sitting there the rest of the night when Mr. walks in and was all….”So…you want some chicken-salad for dinner?” (Chicken-salad = strips of chicken cooked in Good Seasons Italian Dressing until nice and brown and tossed onto a bed of lettuce or baby spinach leaves and decked out however you like to deck a salad out…)

  • I said, “If that’s what you want then you can have it.”
  • He said, “I’ll be happy to cut up the chicken.”
  • I said, “Uh…so…I guess that means I’m going to be cooking dinner then, eh?”
  • He said, “If you don’t mind.”

Only on the inside I was thinking, “DAMMIT TO HELL!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!” and “WHY CAN’T YOU FREAKING DO THIS CRAP YOURSELF?!?!”

And then I checked my attitude, because you know why? Because when I started cooking that shizz? IT SMELLED AWESOMESAUCE, that’s why!!!! And I wanted some after all that hissy fit I just threw!

So that’s why I think he loves me. Because sometimes…not always…but SOME. TIMES. I do stuff I don’t wanna do just to make sure he’s taken care of. And THAT is why, when we got married at 19 years of age, we are STILL married today – because I will cook for him and he does the laundry, dishes and ALL the yardwork for me….

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The Shadow of 9/11

September 13, 2010 at 11:44 am (Politics, Random, Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , )

It’s been 9 years. Here we sit. A country divided. People so fast to point a finger. So quick to judge. So easy to blame.

When you were sitting there…listening or watching the coverage of 09/11/01 did you feel divided that day? Did you feel the overwhelming sense to derogatorily bash your friend or loved one for their political beliefs? Did you hate your President? Did you pass judgment on someone based on their skin color or religion?

I remember that day, as do many of you. A hole formed in my chest. My cheeks were wet with fallen tears that had shed almost all day and many days afterward. The sirens and images from the coverage on the news filled my dreams for months. The hoping and praying and love that I felt that day, that this event would be isolated. The fragility that I felt – I needed to be with my newborn and my 5 year old that day. To hold them. To explain to my little daughter what was happening so that she understood, as much as a 5 year old can. I remember being uncertain. I remember being terrified that I live in a State that has ALL branches of the military with their bases here. I remember thinking…”Is there more to come? Have we seen the end of this terror?”

What has happened to us? I read a blog post from a friend of mine: http://larissalytwyn.pnn.com/articles/show/61615-remembering-9-11 – she made me remember and perhaps realize what happened that day.

I remember how united our country was after 9/11. Do you? Remember looking at someone and rushing your step to open the door for them? Do you remember saying “Thank you” to a stranger? Do you remember that vigil you attended with candles lit, asking for God’s Grace to get our beloved country through this horrible tragedy? Do you remember having a new found love for our firemen and police officers? Do you remember the silence of the airspace when our President ordered the entire U.S. is a No-Fly Zone?

Now, I ask you to take those memories. Apply them to how you feel today. Are you reflecting that feeling of unity that we had on those days and weeks and months following 9/11, or are you letting the terrorists win?

Those towers are not standing anymore…but there’s still a shadow…it’s up to you to shine your light…if you can find it.

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Honorary Jew Status

September 8, 2010 at 2:32 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , )

About a year ago, I was bestowed a great honor by one of my most potty-mouthiest of friends. It’s been about a year so I guess you could call it my “Jewversary”. She couldn’t find all the pieces at her local (Silver Spring, Maryland) Home Depot, for her Sukkah(*see below) project. On my birthday, I decided to hook her up because – as it turns out – I am a previous hardware store worker and knew EXACTLY everything she needed to complete her project! Anyway – Hannah decided to get out her golden menorah and bestow on me the most wonderfully unofficial title I’ve ever carried: Honorary Jew.

There are a lot of questions I had when I was first given this status – many of them I needed to ask about, some of which I drew the line on, and some – I found out – I already possessed! Here’s what being an “Honorary Jew” means to me:

  • First of all I had to make it CLEAR to Hannah that I would not – under ANY circumstances – alter my diet WHATSOEVER! I mean…a life without pork? SERIOUSLY? You might as well kill me NOW! Have you TASTED BACON??????? I rest my case!
  • I will participate in the Hanukkah celebration…let’s face it…any chance to get more gifts is A-OK in my book. And if you can do it by CANDLE-LIGHT? Uh – yeah…NUFF SAID!
  • Then there’s the whole “Jew’s are good with money” thing. Even though I’m not OFFICIALLY Jewish…being an honorary Jew and lifting that kind of hope up to the Jew Gods is something I’m totally willing to do. I should really read up on this form of belief system…I’m hopelessly ignorant to it – feel free to educate me, that is, if you haven’t already gotten a Rabbi to completely burn your computer monitor because I’m blasphemous. I assure you, it’s not my intention…and BESIDES! Someone who ISN’T Jewish, helping out a REAL Jew with her Sukkah has GOT to count for something, right? I thought so too…
  • Jewish Guilt. Welp. NOW WE’RE TALKIN!!! I’ve got this DOWN! No problemo! In fact the amount of GUILT that I have all welled up and pushed into the furthest recesses of my inner core and subconscious could make me probably full blooded Jewish…probably.
  • That whole thing about Jews love the Jewelery…and own Jewelery stores. I think they might do that just because there aren’t a whole lot of English language words that contain the word “Jew” in them, so they practically HAD to take over that whole industry and quite frankly, who can blame them? Not me!

So there you have it. I know you’re probably jealous of me right now…and to be honest, if I were on the outside (you) looking in (me) I’d feel mighty left out too. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about that, because I’m an Honorary Jew…and you aren’t. Sucks to be you…

* Sukkah – It’s basically a little out-building that the Jew’s spend time in eating, praying and loving. (No, it’s not based loosely on the current popular novel or the movie starring Julia Roberts. Yeesh…c’mon people!) Here’s what Wikipedia says about “Sukkah” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkah

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Do NOT attempt to play Volleyball IF:

September 7, 2010 at 3:00 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

This Labor Day weekend, we joined our newly married cousin and her new husbands family for a potluck picnic. The cool part? She married into a Samoan family and I have never met a more loving more welcoming family in my life! Not just a few of them…but THE WHOLE DANG FAMILY! So awesome – and I realized that I was probably Samoan in one of my previous lives because; A.) They love meat/I love meat. B.) They love to EAT..A LOT/I love to eat – A LOT! C.) They are musical and fun-loving people……and yep……you guessed it/I AM THE SAME WAY! YAY!

So – one of the first things we did was play Volleyball. Let me just recap to you my body image…I’m NOT a fit person. I have lots o’ junk in my trunk. Sooooo…this means that I don’t really get up and MOVE a whole helluva lot. And well, this past Sunday was an exception. I sorta forgot about an old Relay for Life Car Wash Injury I sustained about 8-9 years ago…and it decided to rear it’s ugly head yesterday – after I slept on it all weird.

So here’s my list. Do not attempt to play Volleyball if:

  1. You are wearing JEANS. Tummy pinching jeans. Bleh
  2. You have fake nails. Cute nails + bump + set + spike = OUCH and MANICURE DO-OVER!
  3. Thinking you can get away with sliding  your eyeglasses down the opening of your cute tank top. They fall out + they can cause issues if you have fake BOOBS, what with all the jumping and all that you’ll be doing. Plus: I may or may NOT have stepped on them in the sand…
  4. If you are almost 40 and have led a fairly sedentary life, do us all a favor – stretch a little. Seriously.
  5. Any arm, shoulder, elbow or wrist injuries you may have forgotten about will come back to haunt you the next day.
  6. You do NOT have ice packs and/or heating pads in your house.
  7. You do NOT have a stockpile of ibuprofen.
  8. Just because you ACT like you’re 20 and your CHRONOLOGICAL age is pushing 40…doesn’t mean your BODY will heal like a 20 year old. Stop kidding yourself…you’re almost 40…knock it off.
  9. You have an affinity to using the F-bomb when you’re surrounded by bible thumping Christians. (Side note: I love Jesus as much as the next guy…but let’s face it…if God didn’t want us to use that word, then we wouldn’t be.)
  10. When playing Volleyball in the sand, make sure you know that the V-ball pits have been raked a little over the summer…slivers are NOT FUN!

And there you have it. Thank GOD my chair lowers so that I can rest my arms on the desk and not have to lift them to type! WHEW!!!!!!

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A Road Trip to Remember

September 3, 2010 at 11:13 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , )

We had a great time! Tammy and I got an early start on Thursday because she left work earlier than she expected to, so we were on the road a little before 6 PM. We started the trip with The Dixie Chicks in the CD player. We were so excited! We had SNACKS! We had MUSIC! We had the anticipation of an AWESOME TRIP!

By 10:30 we were eating dinner in Eugene, OR. I HAD MY FIRST PEPSI IN 6 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!! It was more delicious than I remembered. This was my weekend to treat myself. We also hadta gas up and eat and decide if we felt like pushing ourselves or settling in for the night. We grabbed one of those rinky-dink hotel coupon books they have sitting in the cardboard stands near the newspapers – called a hotel that was about 2 1/2 hours MORE south than Eugene and decided that MEDFORD, OR would be where we spent the night. We got about 4 hours of sleep and hit the road again.

As we were driving through the dark of night…speeding WAAAAY too fast, we noticed something that we thought was going to be the GREATEST SIGN OF ALL TIME THAT WE WERE GOING TO WIN MONEY!!!! Can you see that? I was going 77 miles an hour and my mileage on my new car hit 7777!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT! Also…it was 11:49 pm. We were basically giddy anyway. It didn’t take much to put us over the edge.

For those of you that don’t know…I enjoy writing on the windows of my vehicles when I take a road trip. This one was no exception!

The only problem was, it was raining the entire time we were driving on Thursday, so I brought my MEGA CRAYOLA WINDOW MARKERS with us in the hopes that when we woke up in Southern Oregon, the weather would have taken a turn for the better.

We woke up the next morning – well, TAMMY woke up…I didn’t seem to sleep at all. I’m like a little kid sometimes! We got up, dressed, primped and packed and in about an hour we were off again! Well, lucky for us…IT STOPPED RAINING!!!!! While Tammy was hitting the office to take advantage of whatever rinky-dink continental breakfast they offered, I was busy with my markers. Above the squiggly yellow line it says, “HELLO GORGEOUS!!” Among other things, we had a Follow Us on Twitter message, a WILL WAVE FOR HONKS message, BUCKLE UP, WE LOVE YOU message…and a few silly others.

Here we are…getting ready for another ass-numbing ride in the car…this time, we aren’t pulling off the road till we’re there! COME HELL OR HIGH WATER!!!!!!!!

We jumped in the car and AWAAAAAAAAAYYYY We GO!!

After hitting the road, I quickly realized that I didn’t quite exactly review the directions before we left the hotel parking lot, and well……I got on I-5…heading south….and uh….I should have headed north about 3 measly exits. I wanted to fill up with gas, and there was an exit ahead about 2 miles, so we just continued on. Once we got there and filled the tank, I kinda sorta forgot to look at them AGAIN, and continued south…*shrugs* Who cares?!? I actually printed out TWO versions of directions…the short way and the longer more SCENIC route, in case Tammy wanted to see Mt. Shasta on the way there. So, basically, I gave her no choice. It only added another HOUR to the trip…and if we hadn’t taken the detour, we would never have gotten the awesome pictures that she took…so it was meant to be!

South to Redding, California it was! Tammy had never been much south of the Oregon/California border, so she was squealing pretty much the entire time…which…was fun/annoying, but then again, I can be pretty annoying too, what with being able to sing just about any song that comes on the radio/CD. Some of the stuff I was signing I haven’t heard in 25 years. I must be like a Musical Rainman or something because I was even impressing MYSELF!

So, let’s fast forward to when we hit Redding, California! All of a sudden Tammy got really doubtful of my navigational capabilities. And she has this cell phone, powered by Sprint – which gets no EFFING signal 99% of the time, and she whips it out and decides she’s gonna pull up the GPS. And it’s telling us we’re off course and telling us to get back on the freeway, and I’m all, “Dude, the stuff I printed out say to head through Redding and then we’ll get on a highway that heads EAST. We gotta head East at SOME POINT…” and she was all, “It doesn’t LOOK RIGHT!” and I was all…”Let’s just SEE where it takes us, because I’m fairly certain if we continue going SOUTH we’ll end up in MEXICO, and there aren’t any CASINO’S down there and I’m getting the CRAZY EYE!!!!!!!!!!!!” So, we went on our merry little way. We see the turn off that says Highway 44 East. SUH-WEET! IN YO’ FACE HOLMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a little happy dance/I told you so dance, and then she had to pee. PERFECT! *rolls eyes*

I can hold it for HOURS! I’m like a fricken CAMEL…Tammy on the other hand has a bladder the size of a thimble and she takes one sip of water and WHAMMO!!! She’s all, “GIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL! I gots ta PEE!!!!!!!” So we stop at the next rest stop, do our THANG, hope back in the car and get gas at the next gas station we see, and head up and over the “Siskyou” mountain range. Very pretty…very road constructiony….very…uh…ROAD KILLY!!!

So we’re driving up and over the mountains and we’re jammin to some Dixie Chicks travelling at about 77 miles an hour still because I decided that was the lucky speed to be traveling and……and this squirrel the size of a Wiener Dog runs into the road, stops, looks at me, does a stutter step to the left, a stutter step to the right, takes about 4 little squirrely steps………………….and………………….uh – THUNK THUNK THUNK THUD THUNK…………………..I killed that little sucker! I can’t believe it STILL! I’ve never hit ANYTHING! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tammy threw her hands over her mouth. I threw ONE hand over my mouth! “HOLY SHIT! I JUST KILLED THAT SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!” Tammy is like screaming her head off and I was all, “Holy shit! DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?!? He like ran out in the middle of the road and tried to turn back, then realized he was already too committed and turned to keep going, then turned back to look at me and then kinda decided to just go and WHAMMO!!!!!!!!”…Tammy said, “YOU MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!”….

As I sat there, still going 77, that THUNKING kinda just kept echoing in my head. I kept replaying it over and over, if there was something I could have done differently…but DUDE! I was going SEVENTY-SEVEN MILES AN HOUR! If I had jerked the steering wheel to avoid him, I could have flipped the car, FIRST OF ALL. SECONDLY, there was like a CLIFF on the right! Basically, it was HIM or ME!!!!!! And then the Elton John song ran through my head from the Lion King – The Circle of Life. And I decided that I was just helping the vultures and crows and all the other scavengers live high on the hog that day. Then I said a little prayer for the Lord not to give me back luck, because let’s face it…he created squirrels too! And it was OBVIOUS I felt really REALLY bad, except…I kinda sorta started laughing shortly after the THUNKING stopped, because…if I hadn’tve started laughing, I might have started crying…and well? Who wants to see a grown CARM cry?!? NOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s all for now. More later or tomorrow. I have lots to do still. LOVE YOU!

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